I can totally pass a drug screen. #TrueStoryTuesday

The 5 lamest failed drug screen excuses… #truestorytuesday

Drug Test

Sir, you’re drug screen results are showing postive for cocaine.

I’ve never done cocaine. I must’ve got it on my hands somehow and transferred it into my urine when I was peeing in the cup.

<insert cricket chirp here>

Candidate studies drug screen form for seriously 12 minutes, reading the list of drugs we are testing for over and over and over and over again. Finally signs it and proceeds with the process.

Sir, you’re drug screen is showing positive for marijuana.

Dang-I didn’t see that on the list of drugs you were testing for.

It’s the first one on the list-THC.

Sir, you’re drug screen is showing positive for marijuana.

Yeah.

I can’t send you to a job site with a positive drug screen.

I didn’t know I couldn’t smoke it.

You do know smoking marijuana is illegal, right?

I didn’t realize I couldn’t do it because at my last job I would smoke with my supervisor.

<blank stare>

Sir, you’re drug screen is showing positive for marijuana.

I don’t smoke. My roomates smoke, but I don’t. They smoked in the car on the way up here.

This last one was a special situation where the employee was actually on workers comp.

Sir- you’re drug test today had no trace of the medication we prescribed you.

So now you mad because I can pass a drug screen?

Sir- you do realize it is illegal to falsely obtain a prescription and sell it to other people.