Spider Monkeys in Alabama #truestorytuesday

So this one time… and I’m kicking myself for not having the voicemail for this very blog post… I had an employee call in because her daughter was bit by an exotic monkey at a friends party. I must’ve played that voicemail a thousand times to make sure I heard what I was supposed to hear. Yep. Exotic. Monkey. Bite. I was intrigued, confused and slightly concerned. When the time was right a follow-up phone call to the employee went a little like this:

“Hey Suzy Q! How’s your daughter?”

“She’s doing a lot better. She had to get all kinds of shots and they had to make sure the monkey didn’t have rabies or anything like that. But I have to go to the police station today to follow-up on the report.”

“Okay. Is there anything we can do for you or her?”

“Not as of now. We are going to be back and forth between the doctor and the police station. Her friend that owns the Spider Monkey is mad at her. I didn’t even know you could own a Spider Monkey.”

“Suzy Q, we didn’t know you could own one either. We were slightly surprised.”

“Well I guess you can’t have one because the police took it from her and that’s why her friend is mad at her then they almost got into a fight. I’m just glad my daughter doesn’t have rabies. I probably won’t be able to come back to work.”

… and scene…

Spiteful Spider Monkey
Spiteful Spider Monkey

Let that one sink in for a minute.

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Out Sick #truestorytuesday

I have too many short funnies to keep to myself so for a while I will be sharing a series that we will call #TrueStoryTuesday, for your Tuesday amusement of course. These stories are just a random collection of real things – or at least things that have really been told to me or my team – over my time in HR. By the way if you have one you think is worth sharing, but need it to be anonymous feel free to email it to me 🙂

Of course the names have been changed to protect the innocent … and the guilty!

Billy Bob: Hey Jim Bob we missed you-you feeling better?

Jim Bob: Hey Billy Bob-all better now. Those dadgum squirrels I was telling you about in my attic? I took care of em-poison traps.

Billy Bob: Yeah?

Jim Bob: Yep! Then I cleaned me some squirrel and cooked it up real nice.

Billy Bob: The squirrels you poisoned?

Jim Bob: Yeah. Meat was real tasty, but that wasn’t such a good idea though… Doc says I basically poisoned myself since I ate them squirrels I poisoned.

nooooooooooo squirrel#scoutshonor that’s a real excuse that someone gave for being out sick: “Ate squirrels after poisoned said squirrels in own house”