Two things happened this week that reassured me I am on the right path. Over a year ago I welcomed an identity crisis that was a harder fight than I thought it would be. I had become so engrained in my job that innocent bystanders couldn’t tell where I ended and the job began and vice versa. I was oblivious to this for a long time, but all last year it became more and more apparent to me that it was, no matter how hard I denied it, my life. I wasn’t sure if it was a bad thing or not because I thought it meant I had a good work ethic and that as long as I was providing my family should just deal with it. So I had a long journey (maybe I’m still on it) to find myself again since I let my work become my identity. Anyway long story short I like my job now, I’m working on loving it, but let’s just say I’m dipping my toe in the water before I jump in.
So what are the two things that happened? Earlier this week my husband and I were spending time together and he made the unprompted comment to me that he could tell a difference in my patience from this time last year. I was so happy to hear someone say that, especially my husband, that I wasn’t really sure what to say. I’m pretty sure my eyes lit up and then I just made noises as I tried to form a sentence. I was seriously happy that someone noticed, because I was started to doubt that I had made any progress at all. The second thing happened tonight. Two different neighbors sought me out for conversation tonight. Let me just say-that never happens. I’ve always been the neighbor that glares at the kids leaving their bicycles in my driveway or the dogs getting off the leash. I do not make eye contact with neighbors when I pull up at my home from a long day of work. I do not want to be bothered with meaningless conversation, I just want to take my high heels off and go to bed. Not anymore! After the conversation with the first neighbor I thought to myself “Aw, what a sweet old man”. After the second neighbor came by I thought to myself “Am I dying? Does my husband know I’m dying and he’s told the neighborhood? What is going on here?”. I’m pretty sure I can chalk these chatty neighbors up to the fact that I am looking less and less stressed. I mean I look friendly again. Crazy right?
This attitude adjustment cannot be 100% attributed to my job change, but it had a huge impact . I loved what I did so I couldn’t accept that it was making me miserable, but almost a year out I can see where I was wrong! It was making me miserable and that didn’t mean I should love what I did any less, it just meant I wasn’t supposed to keep doing what I loved where I was. I share this with you for the one struggling soul somewhere out there that is torn in a similar situation. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s okay to leave a company after 7 years. No job should affect you to the point that people think you’re a young Miranda Priestly. It is possible to do what you love in a peaceful workplace. I promise. You don’t have to have constant chaos to be successful.
One thought on “Where I used to be…”